Name: Harry Heterodyne
Summary: Harry Potter is actually the most recent successor to the Heterodyne legacy, Harrison Heterodyne. Castle Hogwarts is actually Castle Heterodyne's younger sibling, and Hogsmeade Village is another village of Minions, just like Mechanicsburg. Cue epic adventures of horrible, terrifying fun…
Other Details: This story is a crossover between Harry Potter and the Girl Genius Comics by Phil and Kaja Foglio. The entire premise is what would happen when Magic meets Steampunk Mad Scientists! Have fun with that.
Special Notes: This challenge was heavily inspired by Megamatt09's story by the title of "Hogwarts School of Child Endangerment and Gross Negligence." See if you can't outdo that story.

xXx Sample Chapter xXx

"Welcome to Hogwarts Heir Heterodyne. I am pleased to inform you that you are now in complete control of the castle's wards, gate lamps, death machines, laboratories, torture chambers, chapel of bones, chamber of secrets, the playroom, the Master's Library, the General Library, the Master Kitchen, the Master's Personal Kitchen, the Great Movement Chamber, the Central Control Conduit, the Foundations, the Throne Room, the Towers, the army of Fun-Sized Mobile Agony and Death Dispensers, the Ghostmaker Mice, the Happy Fun Ball of Death, the Nyar Spider, the Venomous Rafter Toad, and the Bloodbats."

"Uh…" Harry deadpanned.

"The Rules of Castle Hogwarts are as follows for your convenience:

"Is there any way NOT to get killed?" Harry asked.

"Be born a Heterodyne, for they are immune." the Sorting Hat who was giving him this information stated. It then addressed the rest of the assembled students and staff, "OWNER'S QUARTERS!"

Dumbledore stood up and called out "What did you just say?"

"Oooh! White flagstone! Goodbye Mr. Dumbledore." the Hat stated.


that was the sound as a huge column of rock slammed down from the ceiling crushing Dumbledore into a tiny stain of blood.

Hundreds of horrified screams erupted amongst the assembled students.

"Let the mayhem begin!" the Sorting Hat exclaimed excitedly as students began flooding out of the Great Hall in terror.

Suddenly a loud meowing sound was heard as more screams followed that and bloody chunks of body parts were tossed in through the doors of the Great Hall.

All through this Harry Potter… er… Heterodyne… just sat there thinking to himself "What the fucking hell?"


Severus Snape quickly and carefully made his way to the dungeons where he had his stash of gems, potions, potions ingredients and various other items that he absolutely needed to get before leaving. Upon arriving there however he found that the entire room had reconfigured into a rather posh looking laboratory befitting a woman of high science. Standing in the middle of the room woman with a rather attractive figure, wearing revealing clothes, and who had startling blond hair.

"Huh… there must be a new Heir to the Heterodyne Household if I have been brought back to life." the woman stated.

"Who are you?" Snape asked.

The woman turned to look at him raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow and said "I am Lucrezia Mongfish, and your soon to be Ruler."

The woman took out a small orb like object that issued a small mechanical wasp that flew directly into Snape's mouth. His eyes suddenly became glazed over and he said "How may I serve you my Mistress?"

"Tell me of this world and time period."


By some miracle Daphne Greengrass and Tracey Davis made it to the Slytherin Common Rooms in the company of one of the older Slytherin Prefects who granted them access to the Slytherin Quarters. Much to their combined dismay they discovered that they were the only Slytherin's to have made it there in one piece. Draco was off in the corner missing a leg and arm. Pansy was off to the side, relatively unscathed, though suffering from a severe loss of hair follicles. Millicent for some reason seemed to have miraculously lost about 50 pounds during the course of the evening…

Crabbe and Goyle however don't seem to have made it to the Slytherin Common Room. Flint was trying to futilely hold his intestines in with nothing but his arms. And several of the older Slytherin Boys seemed to have suffered loss of limbs or in some cases made it to the Common Room only to lose their heads... wait… what?

All told it seems that anyone of the female persuasion came out mostly unharmed for some reason.

This was a scene that was repeating itself in each of the other three houses… though for some reason Fred and George Weasley made it to their Common Room without even a scratch between them.


"Get the Stone!" Lord Voldemort's voice urged Quirinus Quirrell into the Third Floor Corridor.

He soon arrived at the first chamber, where he knew Hagrid had stashed a Cerberus to guard the stone. So imagine his surprise when instead of a Cerberus he came face to face with a rather large golden colored tiger-like robotic construct with razor sharp teeth, glowing red eyes and a long, forked tail.

"Shit…" was all he managed to say before the tiger-like beast lunged at him, ripping off his left arm as it passed by him. "GGGGGGGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Quirrell screamed in agony just before getting mauled to death by the Fun-Sized Mobile Agony and Death Dispenser.

The Wraith-like form screamed out in fury as he was forced to retreat from the castle to find another host or some other way of dealing with Potter.


Filius Flitwick found himself one of the only male members of the staff to arrive at the Staff Room in one piece. Professor Snape seemingly went missing. As did Professor Quirrell. He wasn't sure how, but somehow Cuthbert Binns ended up being torn to ribbons by one of those giant cats… it was a silver one… The Music Professor lost an eye when his baton was launched out of a cannon that appeared from a hole that opened up in the wall… Argus Filch got electrocuted to death when he tried opening the door to the staff room…

The only other member of the Faculty that was male to survive the mayhem was Rubeus Hagrid, who based on the things happening here, Filius got the distinct impression that the Castle wanted him to breed even more dangers for it.

"Well this is a right disaster…" Minerva stated.

Filius laughed, way to understate things.